Forgiveness in the rain

Yesterday's blog for today.

Rain

As I was driving to work this morning, sheets of rain came down to engulf me, my baby (car) and a grey blanket of clouds loomed over me.  Living in paradise usually means a postcard of sun, sand and beach (skinny bikini model and abs guy) sorry to burst your holiday bubble if you are on your way to Samoa but November ushers in the rainy/cyclone season.  Like you, I enjoy the hot, clear blue sky days and I immensely dislike the rain.  While I was driving, I remember a particular conversation I had with one close family friend exactly five years ago. I was sitting in Aute's guesthouse at Saleimoa when it started to rain, lightly at first and then soundly. 

 "I hate the rain!" I lamented

"Why? You should love it! We are so used to the sun that we forget about the rain!What is the sun without the rain? I love the rain because it calms everything down.  It gives new life and changes the normal colour of our world.  The rain renews", Aute said.

It struck me that she was absolutely correct! We are so used to good things that we forget about the bad! The rain is not bad but it can represent all the small annoyances in life, pesky problems, small encounters that we replay over and over in our minds that could have had a better outcome.  Some of the things we say offhandedly that we wish we could take back.  After all, what is happiness without sadness? What is success without struggle? What is destination without the journey? Sometimes, it takes real problems to make us appreciate the solutions. Other times, it takes just one smile from a stranger to turn a rainy day into a sunny one.

Aute explained the usefulness and the many good faces of rain.  She reminded me about the villagers who needed  rain for their water supply as some of the rural villages can go weeks without clean, fresh water.  Then of course, my farming papa who needs the rain now and then to nourish his many lovers (pumpkins, water melons, cabbages, cows, broccoli, saladeer, pele leaves ...).  There are many uses of the rain like the little annoyances in life. Just as the plants need the rain to grow, we need the little annoyances of life to learn, to mature us, to test us so that we can become better christians, better people. Other annoyances can transform into huge bitter roots that will only bear terrible fruits if we don't snuff them out early enough.  For instance, if there is a particular person that you have "chosen" to dislike "just because", everything that person does will turn out wrong in your sight, the things they say will never make sense, the clothes they wear will never be fashion sense enough for you, the car they drive is just not cool enough and eventually even their life partner/husband/wife  and innocent children will be painted in the same dark ink that you have mixed for years!

That interesting conversation between Hibiscus and I, is still embedded in my memory.  It also struck me that I was a lover or rain I was a child. My older sister, Joanne and I used to get hidings from mother dearest because we would just fill a tub, gallon, basically anything that was knee-waist-neck high enough to hold water.  We would wait patiently until the tub/gallon is filled to the brim then we both jump in, pretending that we were either at the river or at the beach. We would spend enough time in there to wrinkle our skin plus the hiding if were were found out. If we couldn't find any of those, we would just go outside and wait for the rain to drown us. The best part is the warm bed after the cold showers.

Rain is renewal, rejuvenation, a new chapter.  Rain like Aute explained can be powerful enough to wash our insecurities, problems, fears away.  There is something magical about the rain, cleansing, a reconciliation between the old and new, giving enough warning before it comes.  Starting, softly, slowly at first then gradually beats down on us like a loving father.  There is forgiveness in the rain. I told someone once that forgiveness liberates the soul, the words of Nelson Mandela in the movie Invictus, when he was imprisoned for his beliefs.

"Forgiveness liberates the soul, it removes fear. That's why it's such a powerful weapon."

The rain can also symbolize a path of reconciliation with others.  A choice to live in harmony. Wash away the old, dust and replace with the new.  Forgiveness frees us from many unpleasant things and is extremely difficult. I know because I am human.  If we were perfect, we would not need forgiveness, reconciliation or instruction.  Forgiveness is the product of humility. To put others before ourselves, instead of pointing to them we point to ourselves, we see our own imperfections and using the courage through humility to truly forgive someone regardless of who is right or wrong.  If we hold onto an unforgiving heart, we choose to be enslaved by our thoughts, to be unwilling to forgive is to actively add to a wound that is already infected, it will rot our bones from the core. Our lives will be forever hindered if we don't forgive.

Thank you God for the rain yesterday and for the sun today. Choose to live with a new pair of eyes today, so that we can see with a new vision and a new heart. It might rain in our lives now and then, but the sun will bring new hope and renewed energy.

 

Sunrise  at Maui

Note: Aute is a real person just with a different name, her grandchildren call her "Frangipani"

Opening the Flood gates!Oh my F-Book!

When I started this blog a little over two months ago, at first I was a bit hesitant (panicky).  Although I may be a straight forward (opinionated), poet-at-times,farmer, aviator with numerous stories to tell, I'd like to think that I am still a private person. Additionally, I  try and refrain from using too much social media.  Like everything in life, social media sites can either be truly beneficial or detrimental to a person's well-being, depending on how they are utilized. Facebook is especially handy when you travel, study overseas, you are the President of a scholars' club,Ambassador of that same club for Oceania Continent (ok Australia but Pacific is still a continent to us), stuck in the middle of nowhere and need help, free accommodation, catchup with a friend or to reconnect with people whom you have not seen or heard from in a long, long time.

I permanently deleted my Facebook Page twice (yes it can be done), deleted Friendster, Bebo,Hi5 and all the other 'please add me to be just another name on your 1000+ friends list that I don't even know or talk to, so I can validate, feel-good about myself' websites.  After returning from London, I had some 900+ people on my Fretbook page and several posts that I wanted to reinvent. I decided that due to limited and expensive internet access (beauty of living on an island), I would delete my page and use the ancient, oh-so reliable email. So, I did.  Earth to me! Within 30 seconds , I kid you not, some 5 friends jumped on email/whatsapp/Blackberry chat and harassed me.

"Enid, where are you? 

why have you deleted your Fb page? 

Are you crazy!

What's happening?"

All questions to imply that I have killed myself off from the world and that I have died a social death immediately.  My friends will soon wither in numbers and that my family might find me naked on the couch. Okay, maybe not that extreme but you get the picture.

I realized that I could have been more subtle going about Fretbook Page deletion (or not), that 'hey wait a minute', I deleted the page thinking there is too much of my life in the public eye and that I will do fine without Facebook. On the flip side, I totally forgot that I do have hundreds of friends and family who LIVE on FretPage and cannot go a day without it.  I have friends who are all over the world who can easily keep track of me on there and that they within seconds recognized that I am gone from the face of Planet Earth!

Upon the request (harassment/lamentation/threats) of my overseas friends (Indian and Japanese), I slowly resurrected my FretBook page and was very cautious of what I posted on there. A few weeks/months later, I started this blog.

As soon as I publicized the blog, I have been getting so many responses, questions and lovely stories. Positive and overwhelming,unexpected responses.  In my little corner of the world, my blogs have inspired a few, ignite new ideas for some and made others laugh a little.  I set out to write a few words on the life of a young woman in aviation not knowing that there are many who want to hear/read/know this story among some of our Samoan stories.  A story like mine can easily be bettered, just not told in the same way. In the words of a great poet,

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

Maya Angelou

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/mayaangelo133956.html#TPSPxKW59858S20V.99

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you"~Maya Angelou

Yes, I have a gift, a God given-talent to write, no matter how many times I deny it.  I have a way with words that react to people (people react to) and now I am ready to share it with you. In writing about myself, my Samoa, Pele Project, I am made aware that in order for the world to know more of our/my stories, FretBook needs me/ I need Facebook. There, I said it. Facebook has captured millions and like moths to the flame we come and join it.  It's free, fast,worldwide and instant.

Perhaps I was a little bit scared of Fretbook, but now that fear has been eradicated. I am not scared of it because Facebook to me is just a tool.  It is a wonderful tool when used wisely, cautiously and correctly.  Facebook does not force us to do anything.  It does not cause our fingers to post silly photos, status, feelings, insecurities, vengeful thoughts of ourselves or other people. I'd rather touch one person's life with the gift that I have been given through this tool than hiding and leaving it too late, dying without using it. 

Facebook is what you make of it.  Be careful of what you post on social websites, who knows?, Bill Gates might wake up one morning and decides that the ''Delete, undo,backspace' buttons will no longer be included for new computers.  The Fretbook guy might have 'ugly, hate, shut up,back off' buttons on his Facebook. That's saying them in a nice way.

Sharing yourself with the world (From FretBook)

So, I shall keep my Fretbook Page until such a time when this author no longer feels like one. Lastly, WE decide what we share with the world. Even when we are tagged by others in unpleasant photos, status etc you can easily untag yourself without using colourful (swear) words, or send an ugly private message that they will forward onto more people and so forth. Samoa is a very very very small world, very being the emphasis here and it's getting smaller everyday with Fretbook, so don't fret, be wise about it. Use it wisely.  My dear blog, will stay and I have to confess I am happy with blogspot because it is less invasive than FretBook.

North Shore winter

come now with winter burdens

walking closets 32 hanging coats

when we are warm

Birkenhead College alleyway

A young stream flows at winter

Our breaths come out smoking

Goosebumps connect decorating our faces

Another cold day on the shore

Another away from home

They told me

this is where my dreams fly

School is good here

Mud stick to heavy clothes on higher ground

Can’t wait for summer

Can’t wait for that flight

I miss the brown faces, comrade,

friendship-island humor

Hesitation to say hello is deafening here

Copyright ©2010 Juliet Enid Westerlund

Merry mangoes Samoa!

October/November are probably my favourite months of the year! Why?

1. They both lead up to Christmas
2. White Sunday falls on the second week of October
3. 22 November is my favourite date, earmarks the first time I traveled overseas by myself when I was 9?12?
4.  MANGO/PINEAPPLE/PEOPLE SEASON!

YUM!My favourite fruit

Guilt free, locally organically grown mangoes,had 3 of these

While you salivate at the sight of these, I can tell you now they are the some of the best tasting mangoes in the world. Thailand's mangoes are great too but I'm still biased when it comes to locally grown, organic fruits of Samoa.

As I count my blessings for being alive, working at a job I love and being surrounded by the people who are close to my heart, I think of all the farmers who are toiling everyday so we can see these sights every year. I think of my papa working with his hands in the sun, rain, wind etc, doing what he loves-farming for Samoa. Last year the government tore down the oh so faithful and sturdy Fugalei market with no backup plan and so the farmers are left out in the sun and rain with no decent roofs over their heads.  When I came home last year after a year of studies, my heart broke at the sight of our produce being sold on the side of the road, under tents, absorbing the dust and carbon monoxide from passing vehicles, taking a beating from the rain and they say it's the transportation that contributes to the lesser quality of our agricultural produce. Perhaps that is somewhat true but when your ripe pawpaw, mango, green head cabbage, pele leaves, tender, fragile tomatoes are left out in the sun/ rain too long, something miraculously natural happens to them.  They dry, shrivel up looking like the hands of a 100 year old and their appearance changes dramatically from the morning when they get off the bus,truck,uilipaelo to when the buyers get out from their aircon offices and snicker at us (farmers).  They say 'koa kaugaka kele ga mea lae maua i le makou fale' ("Those are so expensive, we have those in our backyard".  Being the daughter of a true consistent farmer, I have heard hundreds of snide comments when they come to buy. Sometimes I smile politely and act the fool, sometimes I just remind them that if they were growing their food in the background then surely, there is no need to buy from the market?

Farmers selling in the rain  (photo from Samoana)

That's alright, I have learned that no matter what you do or how hard you strive, Samoans ,our people will always find something to complain about.  It is in our nature to expect the best. Even though our Fugalei market is non-existent, I applaud the endurance of our farmers (the backbone of our nation), they did not stop farming just because there is no building. The market is like the church. WE are the church because the church is not just a building, it is the people that make up the church.  Similarly, WE are the market, the market is just a building, a place of trade but it's the people that gives it a heartbeat.  The farmers did not just roll up their mats and stayed home, they came, they scraped holes in the ground, near the road, under trees, in front of the slum that is Fugalei, dig their heels in and say 'welcome, we are still here, we have not left'.

As we await another move from government to rectify what they did, the farmers now have other options. We have the newly established Chan Mow markets and Taufusi markets.  They are businesses that were built by the hands of farmers. Chan Mow and Ah Liki did not become businessmen over night, they farmed just like the rest of us.  Through hard work and patience they have become who they are today. They may be big businesses but they have not forgotten their roots. That is a great thing.

Now as I sit in my air con office and think of my papa, my sister Joanne selling our produce in front of Maryon, Lotopa in her tents and mum at the Farmer Joe car park tent, I think of the future of farming in Samoa.  Where will we be in the next 20 years? We've been farming for more than 28 years now and this is where we have learned hard work, bargaining, sales and marketing.  I wonder if we will still be enjoying our mango straight from the tree or out of a can.  I hope our youth will pick up where our parents leave off, to continue farming and digging gold out of the stomach of the earth.  Our people need a change of perspective;  we see farmers as some of the poorest people out of the wealth triangle and should be left to those with no options.  I can testify from my side that this is quite the opposite, if people understand that hard work will not go unanswered and that our most important resource is under our feet then they will never go hungry. We will not ask of our neighbours for their sugar, tauaga, salt or bus fare.  We will be self-sufficient people.

In the true words of my papa, the only award winning farmer :(he received the award for being Asia-Pacific/Pacific model farmer and for outstanding achievements from FAO )

"If you want to reap, first you must sow," he says.That's important to Ricky. Westerlund. This farmer, who is also a preacher, regards it as part of his mission to help his countrymen become free from malnutrition, disease and poverty. There are few limits to what a man can achieve when his spirit is strong.

"God wants us to live in abundance," he said  when talking about his vision for the future of Samoa. "When we have abundance we are not at the mercy of others. When we have abundance we are free."

Your passion- Where does it come from?

Green Green grass of Samoa, taken this morning on the way to work

Every now and then, you meet someone who asks questions you don't have the answer to.  The intriguing part is, that someone has never crossed your path  or know you personally.  I have met some very interesting people in my life.  Whenever I travel, especially on long haul flights, I try and get acquainted with those sitting next to me. You never know when you'll need help from a stranger.  I have learned that single,young woman traveling alone can be the target of many dangerous, twisted,vile and evil things in this world, specifically one that is well traveled and whose a bit too friendly with strangers sometimes.  Additionally, one has been given a brilliant mind and a sound discernment to know right from wrong and the ability to CHOOSE who you speak to, befriend and share thoughts with on these voyages.

I am grateful to my papa that out of his six (yes 6) daughters, I'm the one he's least worried about when I am out there in the big big world. Maybe that's what he likes me to think. I used to picture his white hair growing whiter because of all my adventures! When I was away from home and went a month without calling home (was a bit too busy with studying and living?), I finally called him to say that I'm well, I'm still alive and setting out to make a future for myself.  After sharing about the pumpkins,watermelons,cows,EX-150,our motorbikes,Jesus, my mother and all the green -farm-things-he lives for.  He said to me 

"Enid, you are like the grass! I never worry when I don't hear from you in a while, because I know you are like the grass.  Wherever you travel, study or live, unlike your other shy sisters (I have two), you easily make friends, you talk to people, you are vocal about the things you are passionate about, you go to church and surround yourself with people who can help you and so you are like the grass. You make up your mind, put your roots down and grow! "

At first I chuckled to myself thinking, 'Wow papa, vao (grass) is the hardest thing to get rid of". No matter how many times we kill, destroy,mow etc,  grass grows back more green and more leafy each time.   Resilient. One word which sums up the character of grass.  Unlike other plants in our gardens/farms, grass is the least needy plant, we don't need to water, shelter, harvest,protect or even decorate it.  For some countries, grass is a luxury, they do all those for their lawns! Imagine the amount of water it takes to keep all those lawns green just to complement the white two-story house, white picket fence and a dog named Spot.  Water that could be bottled and shipped to Africa for those dying without it. Then again, that's not how the world works, those who hold the power and wealth will it to their benefit. It's a rarity to find a rich man who just donates for the sake of donating.

Anyway, I do hope I become more like grass, the good parts.  Even when we have the greatest odds against us, we fall,we break, we get up, pick up the pieces and try again, we never give up. So when one bright mind asked me last week, where my passions come from, this is my written word. I said some answer that popped into mind at  that instant, I can't remember now (choose to forget).

I did not wake up one day and decided to be the person that I am today.  It took years of discipline and hardship.  It took years of molding, training and experiencing life itself. Still, those things do not entirely answer the question.  My passion comes from within translating to around. I could be sentimental and say it comes from above, entirely true but still not a holistic answer.  My passion for our people, for my beloved Samoa, well---comes from Samoa! It comes from seeing, experiencing, talking,listening, feeling, tasting Samoa.  How can I not be? I'm made of the stuff!My passion for family, comes from being in one. It comes from concentrated, living, flowing blood that is indeed thicker than water.  It comes from the willingness and genuine desire for all of them to do well in their lives, to experience the blessings that God has given to each and everyone of us. The blessings that I've received.  We just need to tap into his favour, his faithfulness and an ounce of his thoughts.  My passions are specific to each part of my life, whether related to aiga (family), God, youth, work, side projects, education, writing, etc.  These passions, come from a place that is far beyond anything that we can think of or imagine. I'd like to think that when passions for life are awakened, God sparks them in us, the ignition actually come from our Maker in the form of dreams, visions, thoughts, people around us and nature. When are passions are true, pure and our intentions are to fulfill our purpose, the result will be like grass.  They are contagious, they grow and become resilient in the face of opposition, jealousy, hatred etc. They will ignite other passions and like dominoes they will fall over and become one big flame that will not be easily put out by the mere, temporary, fickle things of this life.  One has to tune their hearts to this ignition because it is a wonderful thing to be taken over by your passions especially if the motive is right. 

I leave you now with this 

Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly~ Julie Andrews.

 So my fellow passionate people, if you have no passion in life, you will be lost and will easily lose sight of what your path should be. Discover it and once you do, don't ever let go because that passion will take you to places and paths you have never dreamed of, well and above your wildest imaginations.

Grandpa and the bees

Today is a beautiful and sad day for my family and those who are close to us.  A paradox for two reasons. One. we are truly joyous that my grandfather Norman Nauer also known as Adolf Nauer is no longer suffering from physical pains and secondly we are sad at the same time that he will never be physically present with us again.  On Monday, we celebrated a milestone in his life, as he was surrounded by his family and grandchildren to celebrate his 79th birthday. Last night he was taken to the hospital suffering from many different and serious health issues, he went to heaven this morning around 6.30.

My grandfather was a funny soul.  He had the greatest skin and very beautiful grayish/blue eyes, not hazel,not brown, no entirely blue but a mixture of these colours. It was probably the reason why many women fell for the man. He had many girlfriends but my grandmother captured his heart right to his last days. Why is it a little hard to talk about him in the past tense? He was just here last night? As I was woken up by a bizarre dream this morning, I said a small prayer because I knew from looking at him last night, his time to go wasn't too far away. As I said my farewells, while he laid on his hospital bed,with needles, IV,oxygen masks, I kissed him on the cheek,forehead and whispered in his ear:

"Pa, we are all here now, we know you are suffering and you can let go.  Heaven is waiting for you, grandma is there too'.

I felt a sense of peace come over me, I didn't cry, instead I just prayed for his suffering to end.  My grandma, passed away in 1997 and two years after, my grandfather in his deep sadness and grief went though great depression. As a result, he had a major stroke. He then went to live in New Zealand for a few years and was brought back to be with us as his health was deteriorating and we did not want to put him in a nursing home.  When he came back, he no longer talked and he had to be assisted while eating, bathing,standing up and all the other things that we normally do without thinking in our daily lives. I was convinced that he could walk and talk again. He was the biggest rugby fanatic I know and sometimes, he did talk about rugby in the early hours of the morning when I came to check on him.  I told him that he was too funny, pretending that he could not talk, I wonder if because the people who came to see him were not his favourite and he just didn't want to talk to them haha. He would talk about grandma, his rugby days, his Marist days, his girlfriends in New Zealand during the war.  He lived a very colourful life.  He always had a smile on his face and he worked hard.

Out of all the stories I can tell you about him, one makes me laugh each time I reminisce.  When I was around 5, my sisters, mum and I went to visit him at his place.  When we arrived, he had just gotten back from his plantation wearing his lopsided hat, his ie lavalava, his smoke between his teeth and his winking eyes.  He sat us on the bench and started telling stories, all the while yelling at my grandma to fetch us some tea,ice cream and sasalapa, yes all in that order. My grandfather always put on a show for his visitors. He would command grandma around to do this and that but we all knew that she was the boss of him.  Back to the story, he was telling us that bees live in trees and that they were very very smart insects.  They make honey and sweet nectar, we must treat them with respect because they were the key to beautiful flowers.  The most important thing to remember about bees is that they can be caught and they are delicious!  We were all in awe out of nowhere, presented an unmoving bee (lifeless/dead), threw it in his mouth and started chewing!Joanne, Louisa and I looked at each other and with O as mouths just flabbergasted.  Suffice to say that the very next day, Louisa my 4 year old sister at the time, actually ate a bee following pa's bee show! We found out years later that grandpa pretended to throw the bee in his mouth, threw it pass his cheek and just pretended to chew. Lesson learned, bees are important but imitating grandpa's shows not so much, much to mum's horror! I think after that, mum made sure we had spaces between visits.

I didn't write this blog so a thousand people will +1 my blog or that a hundred condolences will swarm my Facebook page. I wrote this in remembrance of him, his never-ending love for the one woman in his life, his dedication to his family,so that young people will remember to respect and love their elders because that is where blessings come from.  We are the legacy that they leave behind  Their stories and characteristics live on through us.  When they no longer remember who you are and are just not there anymore, remember how they carried us as babies, how they saved us from all the potential hidings because we were once mischievous children, how they came to our prize givings in shiny puletasis (my grandma) and bright mismatched red lisp stick and choo susu-ing at the top of their lungs when we get our prizes at school.  Remember to share about them to our own children when so that they will understand who their elders are/were, why they will in the future behave in funny or random ways because let's face it, we do come from some very funny characters. 

Today, we celebrate the life my grandfather lived, simple and fulfilling.  He had many peles (favourites) in the family.  For every new grandchild he held for the first time, he would kiss them at least 10 times, starting from the lips right down to the smooth bottom.  I used to say 'yuk' when he did that, smooth newborn bums are probably more clean than the bleached hospital wards they were born in.  I hope no one wears black during his family service, instead we should have a big party to celebrate his trip home.  For his family service, we should wear different colours to illustrate that he lived a great life, all 79 years of it regardless of the painful years he endured so that he can stay with us a while longer.  Thank you grandpa for teaching us how to love our family including the criminals, the nutcases, the impatient, the deluded and the flower puff Nauers. Above all, thank you for showing us that the world is not so round as the scientists claim, the world is lopsided like the hat you wear and the cheeky smile behind your blue/gray eyes. See you soon.

Please Choose Life!

As we roll into Christmas, which is about 8 weeks and a few days away, I think of all the good times we will have.  As we gather around our Christmas tree surrounded by our loved ones, gleefully opening our presents as we greet each other with hugs/kisses.  A time of sharing and a good excuse to exercise gluttony for the scrumptious food we will indulge ourselves in.  All the palolo  caught by Samoans this week will not reach Christmas no matter how determined you may be to save some for your overseas guests, palolo will not even make it to Santa’s sleigh. On the other hand, we will also remember those who are not with us, sharing stories of how they would brighten the room if they were present. Sadly, we will also remember those who have gone on before us and not because they were taken too soon but because they took their own lives ahead of time.

Suicide is on the rise again, 2 men committed suicide a few days apart just last week. One man took his life after a village council in Savai’i intervened as a result of abuse against his daughter. Additionally, a second man took his own life over financial difficulties. Both men were in their late 50s and what a tragedy.   We may not know the true steps that lead them down this road but I do know that they won’t be coming back.  Death is inescapable, it is final and there is no return from the grave.  They will never have another chance to be among the living.  Their families will not laugh around the table with them come Christmas, they will not again hear the laughter of their children or feel the touch of their spouses. If they have young families, their young children will never know their father. Can you imagine  what agony their families are going through, the agony felt by a wife, a daughter , a son, their parents, their friends? Having had someone so dear to them taking their own lives so soon.  If I’m being politically correct, I shouldn’t say taken because they weren’t taken, they chose to end their lives. A decision they made by themselves and carried it out successfully.

Suicide is not new to Samoa.  Sadly, Samoa became famous for this in the late 1990s ranked number one in the Pacific and number 3 in the world for the most completed suicides (Budvietas, 2012).  Something a country like ours should never be proud of.  

I include some of the more in depth studies and articles about suicide in Samoa  ~
Suicide in Samoa, Terry Bourke 2001

Reasons for suicide in Samoa 

Some of the findings from previous studies

	Our culture has got a lot to do with it on these grounds
	No answering back, whatever parents say you (sons and daughters) do it.
	Even when son and daughter married, they are still under mum and dad's control. In other words-parents must agree to who you intend to marry.
	Discipline implementation is very harsh & cruel.
	Church: Samoa outlook of churches is very sacred, that creates fear of the uneducated mind plus lack of communication with someone, as a result = suicide
	Transition in which clashes of outside knowledge coming into our island, and its cultural approach to every issue, becomes too big an issue to administrate bang! comes exitement, and a serarch for changes among young people, even the not so young (Erika,2004).

 Suicide should be defined as

An act that is utterly selfish, cowardly and completely utter disregard (no respect) for human life.  When a life is ended abruptly and sometimes painfully by one, one overlooks the agony that will shake their loved ones, forever leaving a void in their hearts,those who are left behind. Their pain and suffering, the questions that they ask themselves over and over again of what they could have done to prevent their loved ones from committing suicide.

Faataua le Ola Co-Ordinator Papalii Carol Ah Chong said that 'suicide and mental illness, such as depression, are issues that we still must talk about openly-if for no other reason than that it saves lives.  The more people in Samoa talk about these issues, the more we can prevent people walking down a path from which there is no return.  Awareness and education are the cornerstones to addressing the problems of suicide and mental illness'. I agree with her and here are some ways that I think will help those who are considering suicide.

If you have problems

1. Talk to your loved ones. I know this is probably the hardest thing to do, although your loved ones are those that you can truly trust. They know you well and even if they do not understand you completely, they will hear you out and have your best interests at heart. Teenagers, talk to your parents.  You might think that the world is against you and that your problem is unique. Wrong.  Every teenager goes through a transitional change in their lives, they have speedy hormones that are to be the reason for most of their problems including acne.  I know because I was a teenager once and I went through some tough times just like the rest of you. I’ve lived! That being said, your parents will hear you out and they should be able to help guide you to someone else if they can’t help you themselves.
2. Seek help. This is another big obstacle for us Samoans because we do not want to talk to strangers about our problems for fear they will tell others or they will mock us. That is their problem. If you share your problems with a counselor and they do that , aside from being fired for disclosing Dr-patient information, that person will get their dues in the end. At least you told someone and it is their professional responsibility to help you.
3. Talk to your spiritual counselor, pastor, youth leader, someone who is a role model, and someone who can be trusted with your feelings, your secrets and your fears. Seek their advice.
4. There exists Fa’ataua le ola, lifeline and can be dialed for free from anywhere in Samoa, call then on  0800-LIFE or 0800-5433.  This might be the best option for you if it’s extremely difficult for you to talk to someone face to face. This way you will remain anonymous to the person at the end of the line and these people have been professionally trained to help you.  They should in turn be able to offer you advice, comfort and words of encouragement or refer you to someone who will help you.
5. Talk to God, pray about your problems. God will never give you more than you can bear, and if he said that then believe in it.  He is the ultimate counselor, he knows you inside out.
6. Surround yourself with people who are positive, who will support and encourage you when you feel down.  Be the change you want in the world  says Ghandi.  Don’t change yourself to suit other people’s idea of how you should be, peer pressure exists everywhere right up to the ripe age 80 am sure.  This I know because I work with people who are still conflicted and seem to be easily persuaded to do things under peer pressure, some well beyond their late 50s.
7. Find something that is worth living for, find your passion and find a reason to LIVE!Don’t live for someone else, live to fulfil the purpose that God created you for. Be brave enough to live, have the courage to unshackle yourself from the fears of this world, fight for your life like you did when you were coming into this world.  If we entered this world fighting to live, we should fight to remain in it for as long as allowed.
8. Think of all those whose lives will be empty without you in it.  The quote ‘To the world you may be one person, but to some people you are their world’ comes to mind.  Everyone has someone that loves them. If you feel that no one does then I know someone who loves you beyond comprehension. If your parents do not love you and they should, then I know someone who does, genuinely and with a sincere heart. One who laid down his life for us.  One who knows you inside out, who knows the number of hairs you have on your head and the number of cells it took to form you. He even knows the exact moment that you were created in his thoughts, who knew you before you were in your mother’s womb.  He is captain and keeper of your soul, one who knows your past, present and future, your every step and who will sustain you. The one who made you, the Creator, Jesus.

   Romans 8:35-39

   New King James Version
   Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written:
   
   “For Your sake we are killed all day long;
   We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”
   Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.Like the vast distance from the heavens to the earth so is how great his love is for you, nothing will take away his love from you, neither heaven or hell, or angels, or nakedness, or poor etc
9. Lastly be kind to yourself.  Some people are kind to others but not to themselves.  Love others like you love yourself, meaning we ought to love ourselves too, to be able to love other people like we do ourselves. I’m not saying we should be narcissistic or self-centered, there is a difference between being kind and making yourself the center of the universe.

I was very inspired when I saw the Miss Samoa Pageant this year.  Not only were the girls competing for the title they also had the chance to showcase their talents.  One girl stood out to me during the talent quest. Teagan Moore  was very brave when she presented her testimony about her battle with deep depression and her victory over it.  We need more young people like this, who are to be role models for our youth.  Those who are not afraid to admit their failures, their shortcomings,their health problems so that they can reach and help others.  They have put themselves last so that the message will reach those who need it at that exact moment.  At first I thought, wow poor Teagan, she will not win the crown because she was too open but then again all our steps are guided and all our days are numbered.  There was a divine reason why she did what she did and why she presented her message, her vulnerability appealed to me.  Miss Samoa pageant put aside, I think she was a winner!

With that, I leave you now with some words of advice. No I am not a medical expert or a counselor but I have studied psychology, medicine, organizational behaviour and I am an expert at living, so:

Don’t take your loved ones for granted, hug them a little tighter before you head off to your normal day because you never know when they will leave Earth. No one can guarantee their next breath or step . If you see someone that is feeling down, talk to them, communicate. Ask them how they are feeling, let them know you care and that you are there for them. Let them know that tomorrow will be a better day and that life is still worth living, that there is hope. Offer them help or refer them to someone that can help them. Let's work together for a suicide free Samoa. Please whatever you do, CHOOSE LIFE, LIVE!